Talking To Children About Multiple Sclerosis

"I know you're an adult who's used to being on her own, but you need to understand that because of your balance problems I worry when you're out late and I don't know where you are. Please call and let me know when you plan to be home so I won't need to stay up worrying" might be a parent's request to a daughter who wants to be free to come and go as she pleases in her parents' house. An adult child who returns to the parents' home needs to realize that the parental role is never an easy one to shed. In order to be able to relax and go on with their own lives, the parents may need to know the child's anticipated plans and schedule. In return, of course, the parents should show their child the same courtesy so that he or she does not have to worry about them.
 

Talking To Children About Multiple Sclerosis

"Please don't be offended if l don't go out to dinner with you and Dad. Since I've moved back in with you, time alone in the house is sometimes the thing I miss most in my life. I'll go out with you next week" might let a parent know that the person misses the privacy he used to take for granted when he lived in his own apartment. Once the privacy issue is openly discussed, it becomes easier for both generations in the household to get on with their lives without feeling offended or worrying about offending the other. Enjoying time together and enjoying time apart can both be part of family life.
 
"Morn and I are happy to have you here with us, but we need to ask you to pick up after yourself and pitch in a bit we get tired too" might be said by a father who feels that his grown daughter has settled back a bit too comfortably into a dependent child role. Just as parents may tend to slip easily into an overly protective role with an adult child, a 25- or 35-year-old may find it tempting to be cared for, coddled, and picked up after. Families need to come to some agreement about the shared responsibilities in the household, keeping in mind the schedules, ages, and physical abilities and limitations of each family member.
 
"Morn, I know that you are concerned about me and my family, and want to help as much as you can, but sometimes it feels as though you're taking over everything. It's important for me to continue doing as many things for my family and myself as I'm still able to do - even if l have to do it more slowly than you could do it. I promise I'll let you know when i need help" might be said by a daughter whose mother has begun doing so much around her daughter's home that the young woman feels as though she's losing her role as mother and wife. Older parents - particularly those who are retired, may step into the care-giving role so completely that they unwittingly deprive their adult child of the satisfaction of doing things independently.

In each of these examples, parents and children are trying to achieve some balance in meeting their respective needs. There is some recognition on the part of the person making the request of what the other person might be feeling. This kind of thoughtful, empathic, and honest communication will ease the way as family members try to redefine their day-to-day relationship. To find out more, you can check out Talking To Children About Multiple Sclerosis.