Family Members With Multiple Sclerosis

Meeting the Needs of Other Children in the Family
 
WHENEVER ONE PERSON in a family becomes ill, there is a tendency for everyone's attention and emotional energy to focus - at least for a time - on that person. This is particularly true when the family member is a child. Parents can easily become consumed with worry and with care giving, whether it is hands-on care, trips to doctors, meetings with the school, or telephone calls to insurance companies. 
 
Family Members With Multiple Sclerosis


This level of focused attention on one family member is acceptable during an acute crisis because everyone in the family expects the crisis to pass. When the illness is chronic, however, the challenge lies in finding ways to deal with the needs of the person who is ill or disabled, while still having enough time, emotions, and energy to ensure the well-being of others in the family as well.

When one child in a family is diagnosed with MS, the other children in the family may have a variety of special concerns: 
  • Why did this happen - is it my fault?
  • Is my brother/sister going to die?
  • Is it going to happen to me - will I catch it? 
  • How come no one is paying attention to me - don't I count anymore? 
  • Do I need to get sick so they'll love me too? 
  • Would they still love me if they knew how angry I am that he/she got MS? 
  • Am I going to be stuck with all the chores around here forever? 
As extreme as some of these concerns may sound, they are real and painful - and so uncomfortable that your other children may never say them out loud. It is safe to assume that whenever there is an upset in the family's equilibrium, or a change in the routines of daily life, children will have feelings about it. Your best strategy is to touch base with your other kids as often as you are able, keeping them informed (at an age-appropriate level), asking if they have any questions or worries, and letting them know that you are aware how upsetting some of this must be for them. 

If at all possible, try to arrange some special alone time with each child - a very little bit can go a very long way. It is also helpful to alert young children's teachers about any disruptions or changes that are going on at home so that the teachers can be on the lookout for behavior changes or emotional distress.
 
When Your Child's MS Feels Like a Full-Time Job
 
THIS POST ENDS With a reminder - In order to provide the best possible care for your child, you need to make sure that you are tending to your own needs as well. Just because you have a child with MS does not mean that the other demands in your life will cease; once the initial crisis of the diagnosis or the initial attack has passed, your other children, your spouse, your friends, your colleagues at work, and your boss will gradually expect things to get back to "normal." 



You may find yourself pulled in countless different directions, with little or no time or energy left for yourself. Because your own health and well-being are so important, not only to you but to those around you, now is the time to develop your support network, learn which stress management strategies work best for you, make sure you are getting enough rest, and carve out at least a little bit of time each day that is just for you. Reach out to the Network for Families - you and your family do not need to be alone. To find out more, you can check out Family Members With Multiple Sclerosis.