WHEN DISCUSSING WITH prospective parents their family planning decisions, professionals tend to fall back on statements of statistical probability: the likelihood of exacerbations; the likelihood of various disease outcomes; the likelihood of a child developing MS. Couples need to understand the meaning of these statistical statements. If a particular woman, for example, becomes one of the very few whose disease progresses unremittingly after childbirth, it does not matter to her that most other women do well. She will still have to cope with her situation.
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| MS Impact On Children |
If one child in a family eventually develops MS, it does not matter to that family that the vast majority of children never develop the disease; the family will still have to cope. In making their family-planning decisions, couples would do well to think through the potential outcomes carefully so that they will feel more educated and prepared whatever the future brings.
Support For Families And Their Decisions
AS DIFFERENT COUPLES consider the various issues described here, they will come to a variety of conclusions. Some will make no change in their plans; others may decide not to have children or to begin their family but limit the size to smaller than they had originally planned; still others may decide to adopt a child instead of, or in addition to, having a child of their own.
Many of these couples will experience some sense of loss as they reshape their dreams. Grieving over this kind of loss is a natural part of the gradual restructuring of a person's self-image and personal plans that necessarily accompanies chronic disease. It is important to recognize these feelings of sadness or loss for what they are, and seek counseling or other support if the need arises.
Similarly, those who proceed with their family plans only to discover that they are among the very few who run into major difficulties may find that this unexpected outcome can lead to feelings of anger, guilt, and anxiety. Couples do not need to handle these feelings alone, and they should feel free to seek assistance from a counselor or clergyman.
Parenting Issues
THE POTENTIAL STRESSES associated with chronic illness, whether they are physical, psychological, social, or economic, affect not only the person diagnosed with the disease, but also other family members. This discusses issues related to parenting and how the parent-child relationship can be affected when a parent has a chronic illness such as MS. Our emphasis is on supporting the normal development of both children and parents, and on enhancing individual and family abilities while minimizing their disabilities.
The various symptoms of MS are considered in relation to their potential impact on the emotional, social, and financial functioning of the family. In addition, some of the common responses of children to their parent's illness are described. Illness-related changes in the family unit and how they interact in an ongoing way with its pre-existing organizational and coping styles are considered.
The Impact of a Parent's Illness on Children
COMMON SENSE SUGGESTS that children who have a seriously ill parent would be at increased risk for physical, emotional, and social problems. Studies involving parental illnesses such as cancer, arthritis, diabetes, and chronic pain have shown that children who have chronically ill parents have significantly higher levels of emotional distress, behavioral problems, somatic (bodily) concerns, and lower levels of self-esteem and social competence than children who have physically healthy parents.
Although parental illness thus appears to be associated with some difficulties in children's adjustment and functioning, the existing research is too limited and methodologically inadequate to provide firm conclusions about the relationships between specific types of illnesses and different aspects of children's social and emotional development.
However, there is evidence for other factors that might affect this relationship, including the gender of the ill parent and the child; the age of the child; the child's conceptual understanding of the parent's illness; the quality of the relationship between the child and the well parent; the marital adjustment of the parents; and the mental health of both parents.
Only a few studies have specifically examined the relationship between a parent's MS and the adjustment of children in the family. Several early investigations reported some degree of emotional and social distress in these children, but more recent studies have reported no significant psychological or behavioral difficulties. In one of the few studies that compared these children to children of healthy, non-disabled parents, adolescents from families in which one of the parents had MS were found to be psychologically healthy, more sensitive to the needs of others, more self reliant, and less likely to take life for granted than their peers.
However, these adolescents were also significantly more worried about the health of both of their parents than were the teens in the control group. To find out more, you can check out MS Impact On Children.