Physical Symptoms
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS INCLUDE highly visible ones, such as walking problems or tremor, as well as those that are less visible, including severe fatigue, visual difficulties, and bladder and bowel problems. Most children have less difficulty understanding obvious symptoms that they see on a day-to-day basis. However. they may not understand that these symptoms do not necessarily "get better," like a cold or the flu, and that they may become more serious over time.
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| MS Physical Symptoms On Parenting |
Symptoms that are less visible are generally more difficult for both children and adults to comprehend, and they are therefore more easily misinterpreted. For example, it is not unusual for a child to interpret a parent's fatigue as laziness or disinterest. After all, from a child's point of view, fatigue is easily remedied by a good night's sleep or a nap. Consider the following example.
Sammy was a 10-year-old boy who aspired to be a pitcher for his hometown's baseball team. He often wanted to work on his skills by practicing after school with his father. Unfortunately, the late afternoon practice sessions coincided with his father's peak period of MS-related fatigue. Believing that his father spent all day resting since he no longer worked, Sammy began to accuse him of being lazy and not caring. His father used some creative problem solving and suggested to Sammy that they get up half an hour earlier on school days to practice while it was still cool and he felt more rested.
Parents who have difficulty walking or using their arms and hands may find themselves limited in their ability to physically care for a young child. When this occurs, they may need to consider the difficult but sometimes necessary option of sharing care taking responsibilities with others. The parent's primary goal in this situation should be to find someone who can be trusted to provide some of the hands-on care without undermining the parent's efforts or competing for the child's love and attention.
Mothers and fathers often worry about their ability to be "good parents" if they are physically unable to do things with their children that parents typically do (e.g., share a bike ride, walk them to school, or participate in sports). This inability to carry out some of the parenting activities that they had always pictured themselves doing with their children may cause intense feelings of sadness and loss. Although children may initially express disappointment and even anger over the parent's inability to participate in some activities, they are often quite happy to have the parent present to observe their skills and offer support.
Parents should also enlist the help of family members and friends whom they trust and with whom the child feels comfortable. Consider the following example. Ms. A was a single mother who had a 7-year-old son. Because of her physical limitations, she was unable to participate with him in the recreational activities at the neighborhood park. Her elderly parents with whom they lived were not able to help, and her former husband only visited his son on a very irregular basis. The young boy was disappointed and angry about missing out on these activities. Ultimately, the mother enlisted the help of her unmarried brother, who enjoyed spending time with his only nephew. The boy was thrilled to have both an active companion and an enthusiastic spectator going to the park with him.
Many mothers and fathers associate increasing disability with increased limitations on their ability to discipline their children. These parents tend to focus on the physical aspects of discipline rather than on the necessary behavioral and communication skills, such as communicating clear and consistent expectations and consequences. Even with consistency, however, children sometimes challenge parents by "testing the limits" in order to reassure themselves that the parent is still in charge and can provide the care they need.
Parents often find it helpful to identify other adults, with and without MS, with whom they can share parenting concerns. MS support groups and parenting workshops provide valuable opportunities for discussing parenting questions and developing a supportive social network of friends. Parenting workshops and specialized group programs for parents with MS and their children are available in some communities through the National MS Society or local MS treatment center. To find out more, you can check out MS Physical Symptoms On Parenting.