CERTAIN DISEASE-RELATED EVENTS, such as a parent's hospitalization for an acute exacerbation, cause children to feel more vulnerable and upset. Children experience increased anxiety during these periods of separation from their parent. Hospitals are typically seen by children as places for the very sick or the dying.
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| How Children Perceive Multiple Sclerosis |
They may even have had a grandparent who was hospitalized prior to his or her death. Children, particularly those of single parents, may also dislike the prospect of being cared for by someone else while the parent is away. The anticipated and actual disruption of their daily routine as a result of the parent's absence major source of anxiety and sometimes resentment.
Depending on the reasons for a hospital admission, the child may also be concerned about the type of treatment the parent is receiving, and how long it will be before the parent is able to return home. During hospitalizations, it is important for parents and children to stay in close contact via telephone, letters, or cards. Visits to the hospital provide children with the opportunity to see for themselves how their parent is doing.
Another event that can be very frightening for children is seeing their parent fall. Children can feel quite helpless in this situation, especially if they are not strong enough to lift the parent up again. One young boy became so concerned about his mother's falls that he never wanted to be at home alone with her. A visiting nurse came to the house to make recommendations to the mother about adaptive equipment for the home and to teach the boy and his mother how to deal with any future falls more comfortably and safely.
How Children Perceive Multiple Sclerosis
IT IS IMPORTANT to remember that a child's developmental level influences what he or she can understand about a parent's illness. For example, young children tend to think in concrete terms and have only a limited understanding of the passage of time. As a result, a young child would be likely to believe that his mother's brace is in place because her leg was broken in a fall she took last week and will come off again as soon as her leg heals. Adolescents are able to think about things in more complex and abstract terms, which enables them to think about different possible outcomes.
In addition to their developmental differences, children often have personal preferences about the kind and amount of information they want about MS, the form in which that information is conveyed, and who should provide the information. Some children may want to read information on their own, asking questions as they come up, whereas others may prefer to accompany their parent to an MS-related appointment where they can direct questions to members of the healthcare team.
Older children and adolescents tend to be concerned about getting MS themselves or passing it on to their own children; younger children want to know if people can "catch" MS and if their parent will die.
It is critical to consider how a child's developmental level influences his or her perceptions, interpretations, and responses to a parent's MS. For example, separation anxiety is particularly common in younger children when they begin to attend school. They may worry that something bad will happen to the MS parent while they are gone, or that the parent will need help and will not have anyone to provide it. Children in single-parent families may be at increased risk for anxiety, having already felt the loss of one parent from the home.
Some children who feel torn between being with their parent and attending school may even fake illness in order to stay home and look after their parent. This is more likely to occur when parents look to their children for relief from feelings of fear, helplessness, or loneliness. Children can follow their academic and social routines more comfortably when they are reassured that the parent wants them to pursue these activities, knows how to take care of him- or herself, and has resources to call upon if help is needed.
Interestingly, this same issue repeats itself when older children prepare to leave home for college or work. These children need similar reassurances that the parent is proud of their growing independence and can manage comfortably and safely even in their absence. To find out more, you can check out How Children Perceive Multiple Sclerosis.