THE UNCERTAINTY OF the initial symptoms and the brief sense of relief at having a name for them are often followed quickly by shock and disbelief. Deep down, we all think of ourselves as invulnerable to illness. It is difficult for a robust, healthy 30-year-old to accept the fact that he or she has a chronic illness that is progressive and potentially disabling. Most people with MS will assure you that they never really "accept" it (any more than they would accept a lifelong electrical storm that sends periodic lightning bolts into their home). What people eventually seem to do is to confront the reality of the disease and learn to adapt to its presence in their lives.
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| Signs Of MS In Women |
This adaptation is important because without it the processes of coping and effective problem-solving can be short-circuited. Those who struggle to "accept" MS may find themselves mired in frustration as symptoms worsen or new ones are added. This frustration may be heightened by well-meaning relatives and friends who become impatient for the person to "get on with life and stop thinking about MS all the time." Adapting to the presence of MS is an ongoing and challenging process; patience, understanding, and good communication will help ease the process for everyone concerned.
Challenges To The Self-Image
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS IS a tough pill to swallow, in part because it is so "personal." MS-related limitations can interfere with many cherished abilities, including walking, seeing, controlling the bladder, or driving a car. The person with MS may find many valued facets of his or her self-image undermined by these changes.
"If I can't play outside with my kids (go on a class trip ... coach a team ... bake a cake), what kind of parent am I?" is the sort of question people may ask themselves. Sadness, frustration, anger, and feelings of worthlessness can ensue. Family members may find it hard to comprehend this intense inner struggle for the survival of a positive sense of self. They may see only its external signs, (e.g., irritability, emotional and social withdrawal), or a loss of interest in everyday activities.
Fortunately, for most people who have MS, disease-related changes challenge but do not overwhelm the self-image. Why? Because people are usually able to find other parts of themselves that they value, many of which are not physical. A mother with MS, for example, may learn that being a good parent does not just mean cooking elaborate meals or driving car pools, but is more directly related to providing the love and structure that children need to feel secure and realize their potential. A man who prided himself on his athletic abilities may discover a love of reading or a talent for writing that he never knew he had.
Grief
THE PROCESS OF renewing the self-image usually entails a period of grieving for those cherished abilities that have been compromised. Loss is a major issue for people living with MS. Many people feel that they have been robbed of their future. This loss of the future does not refer to premature death, which is rare in MS, but to the loss of their prior expectations for how life was likely to unfold. A person with MS might have had a promising career as a musician or a physician but now must follow a different path.
Grief is a healing and restorative process, but one that is accompanied by pain and sadness. Family members may experience some discomfort during this grieving process since it is often associated with a turning inward and feeling blue. However, grieving is critical to adjustment and may occur many times during the course of MS as the person is called upon to cope with new losses.
Moreover, family members will need to do their own grieving, as they experience the impact of MS not only on family relationships and shared activities, but also on their own lives. For some, the grieving process may take a long time and may be accompanied by depression. In fact, it is sometimes very difficult to distinguish a normal grief reaction from clinical depression, which is discussed later in greater detail. To find out more, you can check out Signs Of MS In Women.