Recommended Strategies For Family Coping
THE FIRST IMPORTANT strategy of the family should be to give MS, or the "uninvited guest," no more space in the household than it needs. As Dr. Peter Steinglass and his colleagues have so aptly phrased it, "The goal is to find a place for the illness while keeping the illness in its place." A family can develop and thrive only when the emotional and developmental needs of each of its members are being met. The family's balance is threatened when MS is allowed to drain more than its share of the family's financial, emotional, and physical resources. Instead of a family with one disabled member, the result is a disabled family.
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| Multiple Sclerosis Awareness |
Similarly, it is important that the interests and activities of family members not be overly restricted by the disabilities of the person who has MS. In other words, families need to learn how to strike a reasonable balance between the interests and abilities of their disabled and nondisabled members. When guilt feelings cause family members to give up favorite activities in which the person with MS can no longer participate, the entire family may start to feel uncomfortable; the person with MS begins to feel guilty over the limitations on other family members while they, in turn, begin to resent feeling "disabled" by a disease that is not their own.The goal is for families to find a way to accommodate the limitations imposed by MS without allowing those limitations to impact every aspect of family life.
The second recommended coping strategy is often a bit more difficult for families to accept, because it involves hoping for the best while planning for the worst that might occur. Planning for the worst involves learning about the possible ways that MS can affect your life and trying to implement plans or strategies now that would cushion the blow if the worst came to pass. For example, a young woman with MS and her husband are starting to look for their first house. While the most exciting and romantic strategy might be to buy the three story Victorian they have always wanted, the more practical strategy might be to narrow the choice to houses that are all on one level. Then, in the event that the woman's walking difficulties become more severe, she will be able to enjoy her whole house without feeling restricted to one or another floor.
Similarly, a couple in which one of the partners has MS might want to think more conservatively about the amount of money they are putting into savings. The savings will be there as a safety net if the family income is reduced because of disability. If the MS never becomes severe enough to threaten the family's income, the worst that happens is that more money has been put aside for retirement, a child's college education, or a wonderful vacation.
Many families resist this kind of planning strategy because thinking about "the worst" seems too frightening. There is almost a superstition that thinking about these possibilities will make them happen and pushing them out of one's mind will prevent them. Unfortunately, these kinds of beliefs can keep families perpetually off-balance; every exacerbation or change in the person s physical or cognitive abilities feels like an unexpected blow for
which family members are totally unprepared. Becoming educated about the potential impact of MS on the family, and taking steps to protect the family's financial, social, and emotional well being, can help each person feel less vulnerable in the face of this unpredictable disease.
Where Do We Go From Here?
THE GOAL OF this blog is to provide a general overview of the potential impact of MS on family life. The following posts explore in greater detail the issues that have been raised here. Each includes descriptions of some of the challenges that can arise as well as realistic strategies for enhancing each family's quality of life - now and in the future. To find out more, you can check out Multiple Sclerosis Awareness.